


everything stays (but it still changes)

by earthtogauva



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Broken Family, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Hanamaki deserves better, M/M, aoba johsai is the family everyone needs, matsukawa issei's mom is the best, slight mention of emotional abuse, slight nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthtogauva/pseuds/earthtogauva
Summary: Takahiro realizes that the small things  make up an entire picture;  in this case, a small volleyball team from Miyagi makes up an entire family.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	everything stays (but it still changes)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mariuex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariuex/gifts).



> this a gift for the best ever, happy birthday sunshine!!! <33
> 
> i hope i did your favourite trope justice because yhis was fun to write and i love u kiss
> 
> and for everyone else; enjoy the fic!! <33

  1. 2nd Year, Iwaizumi



The bell rang for recess and Takahiro immediately laid his head down to take a nap.

The class was warm, and with the window opened the cool air seemed to be alluring Hanamaki to come take a nap. He deserved it anyways, with how late he stayed up last night and waking extra early for morning practice. Feeling content, Takahiro closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

At least, he would have been if it weren’t for the screech of a chair being dragged (why do people  _ drag  _ the chair, he complained mentally) against the floor. 

“Makki, move your arms. I need space to eat.” Takahiro sighed and looked up, glaring at Oikawa who looked way too comfortable sitting across from him. He had a neatly wrapped bento box on his lap and he was looking at Takahiro expectantly, like he should have known he was supposed to make space for Oikawa to eat.

“This is still my table right?” 

“Yeah, but I want to eat.”

Oikawa nudged his arms and internally groaning, Takahiro slouched back up. Oikawa grinned and placed his bento on the table, untying the star-printed cloth. Takahiro pulled out his phone to distract himself, not really paying attention to what Oikawa was rambling on.

“-and I immediately started tor- Iwa-chan! Over here!” Oikawa interrupted himself to frantically wave over Iwaizumi, who politely knocked on the class door and walked towards the duo at the table. Takahiro grunted as a hello, clearly not interested in continuing the conversation and Iwaizumi took it to himself to pull a chair to sit to Takahiro’s right. 

Iwaizumi decided to indulge Oikawa in conversation. Takahiro wondered how Iwaizumi could keep up with talking without telling Oikawa to shut up. Truly a power only he holds.

“Hanamaki, aren’t you eating?” Iwaizumi broke Takahiro’s train of thoughts, and he had to blink before answering.

“Nah, don’t really feel like it,” he replied, hoping he didn’t sound too enthusiastic to answer. Iwaizumi stared at him, evidently not backing down.

“But you almost always buy something on the way to school, or follow Matsukawa to the cafeteria to get food. Are you sick or something?” Takahiro faked a snort and waved his hand. 

“I’m fine really, just one of those not hungry days y’know? I’ll sneak a bite before practice later today, don’t sweat it.” 

Iwaizumi didn’t look like he was giving up but in the end sighed and went back to eating. Oikawa started talking again to fill the awkward silence between them, and before the three of them knew it, recess had ended. Bidding goodbye, Takahiro silently cursed at himself for not being able to get the nap he deserved. He sighed as the teacher walked in and stretched as he stood up to give salutations. Ah well, he’ll get his nap another day.

  
  
  


The day went by extremely slowly to Takahiro's dismay. Everytime he laid his head down to rest for what seemed like five minutes, always turned out to be a measly one minute. It didn't help that he still hadn't eaten, maybe he should've gone to the canteen for at least a can drink. Well it couldn’t matter now, the last bell rang and he finally was done cleaning the class.

Takahiro knew he was sluggish, everything seemed to be much slower than what it usually was. His desk seemed far away from the back of the class. Takahiro chided himself, he still had practice to go to. Can’t exactly act lazy forever. 

His back popped as he stretched out and slung his bag over, bidding goodbye to his classmates. Maybe he can wash his face or something, just to get rid of the tired look (and hopefully feel).

“Oi, Hanamaki.” The sudden gruffness of Iwaizumi’s voice startled Takahiro, and he barely made a full turn to answer before a soft lump thumped his chest. He let out a soft ‘oof’ as his hands grabbed at the sausage and egg roll Iwaizumi had thrown. He raised an eyebrow and Iwaizumi huffed.

“Eat. You’re not going to practice until I see you finish the entire thing.” Takahiro narrowed his eyes.

“Pretty sure if we’re late we have to run extra miles along the road.”

“Oikawa said he’ll stall.”

“I’d rather eat this after practice, man.”

“Eat. Now.”

The way Iwaizumi stressed his words minus the deathly glare in his eyes was making Takahiro want to salute and say ‘yes sir’. (Maybe he would have, if he wasn’t so bone-tired.) With a begrudging sigh, he unwrapped the plastic and carefully ate the bread. He felt awkward having Iwaizumi watch him as he ate but his stomach thanking the Lord for the food overthrew that feeling. 

Before he knew it, Takahiro finished the entire thing. He felt his back straighten and he finally could see better. Wadding up the plastic, he aimed and threw it in the trash can before making his way to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Iwaizumi questioned, not that far behind. Takahiro shrugged and pointed to the bathroom.

“I might just get a ball straight to my face if I don’t wash up. Give me a minute or two,” he said and darted into the bathroom. He heard Iwaizumi scoff, but no footsteps walked away. Takahiro smiled to himself as the water from the sink began gushing.

(They were, of course, late to practice and their seniors scolded them, but they didn’t have to run extra miles. Instead they had to mop the entire gym by themselves. Takahiro should really thank Oikawa for helping them get a light punishment.)

  
  
  


  1. 2nd year. Oikawa



Practice was taking their sweet hold for a not-so-sweet reason. 

It was a Friday and Takahiro’s teacher droned on and on about what to expect for their upcoming exam and handing out study guides to be of assistance for their personal studying. He counted down the seconds to when the bell rings. Then he can be on his merry way home and go sleep until Sunday. Hopefully. If the weight of not studying doesn’t crush him, that is.

Thank every spiritual being that school went by faster today. The bell rang as soon as his teacher bid them good luck. He eagerly jumped out of his seat and grabbed at the broomstick, immediately sweeping the floor. His classmate, Kazumi, lightly laughed. “I’ve never seen you this excited to sweep before, Hanamaki-kun.”

Takahiro grinned. “There’s no practice today so I’m way eager to go home and get myself a deserving nap.” Kazumi shook his head while smiling, making his way to clean the windows. Takahiro hummed a little showtune as he swept, ignoring his surroundings almost completely. 

Which is why when Matsukawa thumped his back he almost caused him to lose an eye. Matsukawa raised an eyebrow and grabbed the broomstick. “I just beat you in one game of Smash, you don’t need to end my life yet.” Takahiro rolled his eyes and pretended to jab the broom at Matsukawa’s torso.

“I wouldn’t make your murder so obvious, you know. It’d be so sneaky, no one would even know,” he threatened. Matsukawa chuckled and leaned against the broomstick.

“Sure, sweetheart. Are you done? Iwaizumi and Oikawa said they’ll meet us at the front gate.”

“Almost, just need to empty the trash bin.” Takahiro emptied the dustpan and speedwalked to empty the bin. He was basically jumping now, ready to go home any moment. Bidding his classmates goodbye, he snatched his bag up and skipped to where Matsukawa was waiting for him. They walked a little too slow for Takahiro’s liking but he didn’t mind. He could slip his hand in Matsukawa’s own for a bit longer.

As Matsukawa had said, both Oikawa and Iwaizumi were waiting by the gate. They were apparently discussing a question from Iwaizumi’s book. Takahiro slinked over and took the book away from them, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Lighten up, boys. Exams are like what, a week and half away? We can still relax and sleep in,” he joked. Iwaizumi glared and snatched the book back as they started walking. 

“Joke or not, these exams are important if we want to go to the training camp, y'know. Yuzuru-senpai already said we cannot fail if we want to stay on the starting line-up.” Takahiro shrugged and crossed his arms behind his neck.

“Ehh, I’m sure senpai wouldn’t kick us off immediately. We’re valuable to the team!”

“You won’t be as valuable when your grades are slipping,” Matsukawa chided. Takahiro glared and jabbed his side. 

“He’s right, Makki. Our senpai’s expect us to excel in order to be good examples to our kouhais!” Oikawa chimed in. Takahiro snorted and stuck his tongue out at Oikawa.

“Okay, Suckup,” Takahiro teased. “Besides, I know I’m just going to barely pass but it’s still a pass nonetheless.”

“Not a healthy way of thinking, you know,” Iwaizumi warned.

“It’s the only thinking he does, though,” Matsukawa replied. He laughed as Takahiro elbowed his side again.

They continued their banter until they parted ways; Matsukawa and Takahiro going one way while Oikawa and Iwaizumi went right. As they bid goodbye, Takahiro swore Oikawa winked at him but it might just be the light refracting or something. 

  
  


Saturday morning was nice and warm and Takahiro had already made his plans of not wanting to do anything clear to his family from last night. His stand fan on max speed, his shorts and shirt loose and his bag unpacked, Takahiro was having the time of his life.

For at least 2 hours until his older sister called to say that his friend was here. 

“Tell whoever that is I’m not available!” he called back out, not even bothered to check who it is. He heard footsteps going up the stairs and thought it was his sister telling him off for not coming down and speaking like a proper person would. His door opened and he prepared himself for his sister’s lecturing.

“Geez, Makki. This doesn’t look like you’re busy at all.” Takahiro cursed as he jumped out of bed to see Oikawa grinning, leaning against the doorframe. His shirt was tucked into his sweatpants to match with his bear socks. It was so horribly unmatched that it made sense. Takahiro glared at him.

“Why are you disturbing my precious Saturday alone-time?”

“It’s obvious! We’re going to study. Your sister said there’s an extra kotatsu she’ll bring up for us to study in your room so we won’t be disturbed!” Takahiro stared at Oikawa who comfortably sat at the foot of his bed in disbelief. It dawned on him the school bag Oikawa had slung on his shoulder.

“I told you, I’m not studying until next week. I’m sleeping in. Now go away, please and thank you,” Takahiro said and pulled his covers over his head as he lied down, waiting for the weight to move and his door to close. It did not. 

“Makki, come  _ onnn _ ! I got up especially early to come over and study with you! I even bought some creampuffs and a melon pan to give to you! Will you really shoo me away when I did all that?” Oikawa said, stressing on his voice sounding sympathetic. Takahiro groaned. He contemplated kicking Oikawa off the bed just for fun. Ultimately decided against being a total dick today.

“I hate it when you’re nice, can’t you like, let me sleep in and be a slob for one day?” he groaned and kicked off his sheets, narrowing his eyes at the latter who was beaming so wide that Takahiro was afraid his teeth were stuck together. Now that would be a sight to behold.

“Nope! Now get your books we’re doing Chemistry and Literature!”

Takahiro didn’t understand how excited Oikawa was to study. When his sister came in with the kotatsu and his mom right behind with snacks and drinks, they shared a mischievous look with Takahiro who stuck his tongue out in response. Oikawa immediately thanked the both of them with an award winning smile. The kotatsu wasn’t turned on, the sunlight too warm. This would usually have him drowsing off but somehow Takahiro didn’t feel like sleeping today. He actually kept up with Oikawa and both of them even got an extra subject down.

Oikawa was extremely patient in teaching certain parts Takahiro did not understand. Even when Takahiro asked him to explain a certain solution over and over, Oikawa didn’t make fun of him. He was quite gentle and explained in a way that just clicked in Takahiro’s head. Everything Takahiro swore he would never understand and almost prayed for the exam to be void of the questions seem to have come to him easily like butter that’s been let out too long in the sun.

They stopped studying when Oikawa got a call from his older sister,asking him to come home.

Takahiro checked his phone. It was 8.29 p.m. They’d started studying at like, 11 a.m. He had multitude of messages from Matsukawa (asking where he was with a lot of necessary videos of dogs rolling in snow), his classmates (talking about the study guides they were given) and even one from his sister (who asked if he maybe have passed on and if Oikawa was taking care of the body). He left his class group on read, sent a middle finger emoji to his sister and told Matsukawa he’d tell him what happened later. 

He looked up when Oikawa stood up and stretched, reaching for his bag. “That was my sister. Apparently Mama cooked extra food for me and she says if I don’t come back home she’s going to eat all of it. Can’t let that happen!” he explained as he packed his stuff. Takahiro snorted and started to arrange his stuff back on his table.

“Fair from her point of view. I’d do the same.”

“Of course you would, you asshole. Also, I’ve got these extra notes from my teacher that I’m leaving behind. He said it would really help in the exam but I already have a copy so yes, that’s yours, no refunds.” Oikawa beamed. Takahiro squinted at him.

‘Um, thank you for that, I guess,” he managed. Oikawa waved him off and opened Takahiro’s room door, already calling out Takahiro’s mother to say his goodbyes and thank her for her kind hospitality. 

Takahiro didn’t understand Oikawa’s thought process, but he wasn’t going to let him leave empty handed. Slipping on his house slippers, he rushed to his kitchen and grabbed a handful of his well-hidden stash of chocolates and called out to Oikawa who stood by the genkan slipping his shoes on.

“Here, have these. As, uh, a way to say thanks. You know, for tutoring me. Even though you didn’t have to.” Takahiro cursed internally at how awkward he sounded. It’s just his friend, his teammate, so why is he acting like a kid who’s just going through puberty and realizing he needs to actually socialize? Oikawa just smiled and accepted the chocolates.

“It’s no big deal! Besides, we’re basically family! Gotta help you one way or another!” Takahiro’s cheek felt warm, and he smiled at him widely.

“Yeah, guess you’re right.”

“Great! Good night now, my phone’s vibrating and my food is calling my name. See you at school on Monday!”

Takahiro just waved as Oikawa speed walked out of the door, arguing with his sister. Takahiro watched him turn into the corner, listening to the fading sound of his voice before locking the door. He turned to see his sister leaning on the wall, her eyebrows raised and her mouth quipped in a smile.

“So, that’s Oikawa huh? You never mentioned he was a nice guy. Can’t believe he actually got you to study.”

“Shut up. Is there anymore croquette? I’m hungry.” He brushed his sister off and strolled into the kitchen. But Takahiro knew his sister was right. He just won’t admit it.

(“I got a 61 on my Literature exam by the way.”

“Congratulations! This is all because of my hard and dedicated work in helping you!”

“Uh huh, okay Oikawa, we’ll go with that.”)

  
  
  


  1. 3rd Year, Kindaichi & Kunimi



“Kindaichi your hands are giving way for spikes to enter. Keep your hands closer and palm outstretched, like this.”

“Sorry! Okay!”

Takahiro sat on the gym floor as the team wrapped up for the night. His fingers grabbed at his water bottle and brought it up to his lips as he watched Kindaichi try and block Kyoutani’s spikes with Matsukawa’s help. Emphasis on  _ try _ .

“Kindaichi, your form is too tense. Loosen your shoulders and focus on placing your weight in your heels as you jump. Watch the way Kyoutani moves his hand to spike.” Matsukawa instructed, observing Kindaichi’s form carefully. Kindaichi watched the second year carefully but jumped too early as soon as he saw Kyoutani fake a jump. Kyoutani spiked a ball and it barely grazed over Kindaichi’s hair on its path to slam into the court.

“Sorry,” was Kyoutani’s gruff reply. Kindaichi just nodded and apologized to both him and Matsukawa for taking up their time.

“It’s already late! I can stay to keep the net and the balls! You should be on your way home,” Kindaichi said. Matsukawa reassured him it was fine and that practice is still practice no matter who’s doing it.

“It’s fine, we’ll clean up together. Oi, Hanamaki! Get your ass over here and help me keep the net!”

Takahiro squinted at him tiredly. “And if I say no?”

“You’re literally getting up and walking over to me as I speak.” 

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Matsukawa rolled his eyes as Takahiro strolled over the left side to untie the net. He saw from across the net, just out of hearing, Kindaichi frantically talking to Kunimi with his hands waving. Kunimi shook their head and said something, and then raised their eyebrows and sighed when Kindaichi clasped his hands together and probably pleaded with them. Whatever Kunimi’s answer was, Kindaichi was immediately thankful and his eyes seemed to be full of light. Takahiro saw him run up to Oikawa to ask him something.

“Who are you staring at?” Matsukawa’s voice broke through Takahiro’s train of thought. He shook his head and started walking towards Matsukawa rolling the net carefully.

“Nah, just watching Kindaichi. He’s been training a lot, hasn’t he?”

“Yeah, I think he’s enthusiastic to be going up against his ex-teammate in the preliminaries. Just don’t want him to overwork himself, you know?” Takahiro nodded in response. He watched as Oikawa smiled and ruffled Kindaichi’s hair as Kindaichi thanked him. Takahiro couldn’t quite place it, but he felt like a great deal probably went down between Kindaichi, Kunimi and Oikawa. 

_ Eh, that’s their stuff to handle. No need to intervene, _ he thought as the first years ran over with mops to start mopping the gym floor. Whatever they end up doing is ultimately up to them, and if they didn’t ask Takahiro’s (or anyone else on the team’s) opinion, then he doesn’t need to worry much.

That thought process, however, didn’t quite explain why he was now at school at 5.30 in the morning when the street lights were still on and his mind was still cloudy with sleep.

He shouldn’t be here. He should be at home cuddled up in a heavy blanket, trying to catch up on lost sleep before his little sister jumped on his bed to wake him up. He should be at home in between all his plush toys trying to imagine the warm embrace of a lover. But  _ no,  _ his brain decided to get fixated on what happened last night and nag him to go to school and check. 

Takahiro sighed and walked to the club room to change. It didn’t surprise him that two bags were already there; he knew Oikawa and Iwaizumi always came to school early, despite not having any practice that day. Takahiro and Matsukawa theorized that they probably came early to make-out before anyone else entered the gym, but they never got any definitive proof. Today would be a good time to finally get the evidence.

However, he didn’t really expect Kunimi and Kindaichi to be the one practicing instead of their captain and ace.

“Oh, good morning Hanamaki-san,” Kunimi greeted. Kindaichi waved as he tossed the ball in hand towards Kunimi. “Morning Hanamaki-san!”

“What are you two doing here so early in the morning?” Takahiro asked as he changed into his practice shoes. Kindaichi sheepishly rubbed his neck, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“I didn’t want to depend on Matsukawa-san alone to learn blocking, so Kunimi agreed to help spike some balls today right before everyone else comes by for morning practice. I had to ask Oikawa-san for the keys to come here earlier!”

“I only agreed because he promised to follow me to an event.”

Takahiro chuckled and stretched upwards, eye blinking as he adjusted them to the fluorescent light. He walked over to where Kunimi threw a ball upwards and immediately spiked it towards Kindaichi who tried his best to block it. He managed to block, but almost missed it. Takahiro tutted and tossed the blocked ball towards Kunimi.

“I may not be a good blocker as Matsukawa is, but I’m decent enough. Kunimi, set the ball for me. I’ll help Kindaichi block.” Kindaichi’s eyes widened and if Takahiro squinted he could see a star or two in his pupils.  _ Exactly like a puppy _ .

“Thank you so much Hanamaki-san!” 

True to his word, Takahiro helped Kindaichi learn to block at the same time teaching Kunimi how to spike. Kindaichi didn’t get better but he was learning. The gears started turning and Takahiro could see he was calculating his moves more so than usual as he blocked. 

“Oh? Hanamaki, you’re in here surprisingly early,” Iwaizumi teased as he arranged his shoes. Takahiro grinned his way, posing with the ball under his arm.

“Had to help my talented kouhais in their time of need! Couldn’t leave them alone to practice!” he declared with a flourish. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes but Takahiro could see the smile on his face. 

“Uh huh, glad to see the young ones helping their old teammates remember their youth.”

“I will graciously pretend you didn’t just say that.”

Iwaizumi barked out a laugh and started to stretch, jutting his chin out to Kindaichi. “So, how is it like to learn from Hanamaki? Was he helpful?” Kindaichi nodded enthusiastically.

“Hanamaki-san is very helpful! I feel like I know my form better now. I’m pretty sure Kunimi also feels the same!” Kunimi just nodded, deciding that drinking water was the best solution to avoid conversation. Takahiro’s chest swelled up in pride at Kindaichi’s words. He ruffled Kindaichi’s hair and gave him a thumbs up.

“Now, would you mind doing me a favour, Kindaichi?”

“Sure! What is it?”   
  


“When Matsukawa gets here, ask him to practice against you and when it’s your turn to spike, say ‘the hot chemistry teacher is watching you’.”

“But isn’t that wrong? And like, kind of mean?”

“Nah, don’t worry! It’s just to scare him a bit. All in good fun!”

“Ah, if you say so, Hanamaki-san.”

  
  


(Matsukawa stalked up to Takahiro as they were changing, a scowl on his face. “Did you tell Kindaichi to say that?” Takahiro looked up innocently but couldn’t keep the wicked grin from forming.

“Maybe? Who knows, what did he say anyways?”

“I almost spiked the ball into his face, Hanamaki.”

“That’s mean of you! Better make sure Iwaizumi doesn’t hear you bullying our kouhai!”

“Watch your back during practice later asshole.”)

  
  
  


  1. 3rd Year, Kyoutani, Yahaba & Watari



Takahiro was enjoying lunch in the cafeteria (this time not forced) when Kyoutani decided to sneak up on him.

‘Hey-’

“Jesus fucking holy shit- Kyoutani, a little heads up would be nice! I almost choked on this excellent pizza slice!” he said, trying to catch his breath from the scare of the voice behind him. Kyoutani tugged at his shirt collar, looking a little bit embarrassed.

“Sorry. Are you busy right now?” he asked. Takahiro shook his head, waving his hand to the seat in front of him, inviting Kyoutani to sit. Kyoutani took the seat and leaned in it, picking at his chipped black nails. Takahiro waited for Kyoutani to talk, not wanting to force him.

Kyoutani cleared his throat. “So. I need your advice. On something for the club.” Takahiro raised his eyebrows.

“You need advice from your favourite senpai, eh? It’s alright kid, I’m all ears for you.” Takahiro joked. Kyoutani scowled and rubbed his temples.

“Can’t believe I’m coming to you, but yes. Not my favourite senpai, but I do need advice.You seem like the calmest one next to Iwaizumi-san.”

“Ouch. But what’s up? Is the club not getting enough applicants?” Kyoutani shook his head. He seemed hesitant to start talking, but another clearing of his throat and he looked like his words were properly gathered.

“You know how Shigeru is our captain now and I’m the vice captain, right?”

“Yes, and you both are very cooperative. What’s wrong?”

“There’s nothing wrong with him but…” he trailed off, seemingly frustrated. Takahiro raised a brow.

“But?” he questioned. Kyoutani huffed.

“But I don’t think I should’ve been selected as vice captain.” Kyoutani managed, voice clipped, looking at the ground. 

That came as a bit of a surprise to Takahiro. 

The third years had agreed that both Yahaba and Kyoutani would be good leads for the team for the next year. Everyone had unanimously agreed that these two had good chemistry in leading the team. Kyoutani even accepted his role as vice proudly from Iwaizumi, so hearing this from him is kind of a shocker.

“And what makes you think that?” Takahiro asked, leaning in and making eye contact. Kyoutani looked guilty as he replied.

“It’s just that, I left the club. I turned my back on everyone. My attitude is still shitty. I can barely talk to underclassmen without them cowering or taking a few steps back. I know you’ll say ‘oh but you can learn to change and you already are’-”

“Hey! I don’t sound that nasal!”

“-but like I said, I’m not fit to be one. Watari would’ve been a better choice. He’s been around longer and everyone- everyone likes him. I just don’t see why-” Takahiro put a finger on Kyoutani’s lips, stopping him midway.

“I’m going to stop you right there, Kyouken. Did you know that Watari was the deciding factor in you being vice captain?” Kyoutani blinked.

“Wh-huh?” he stammered, looking in between bewildered and disbelief. Takahiro nodded before continuing.

“Yeah. He came up to Oikawa, telling him that you deserved being vice captain more than anyone in the team, not even him. He was apparently adamant in getting Oikawa to agree to you being captain. So I don’t understand why you are doubting yourself when your teammates place their trust in you.”

“I just..’ he breaks off, and sighs. ‘I don’t feel worthy of their trust.”

“Then earn it. They’ve already given you the opening, now it’s up to you. You were right, I would’ve said you’ve already changed. Because it takes a lot of guts to admit that you were, and probably are, still wrong. You’ve admitted you were shitty before, but right now you decided to come to me to talk this out. Isn’t that proving that you do care for the team? Because for me, it seems like you’re a big softie underneath that guard dog exterior of yours.”

Kyoutani scowled but it didn’t seem to be one of annoyance. He seemed grateful. He got out of his seat and slightly bowed to Hanamaki. “Thanks for the advice, Hanamaki-san. I guess your nasally voice isn’t always that bad.”

“Kyoutani I take it back you are absolutely horrible.”

  
  
  


Takahiro was already strolling up to the gym when Matsukawa bumped his side. “Saw you talking to Kyoutani during recess. What was that about?” 

Takahiro grinned at him. “Sorry bud, can’t tell you. You know, favourite senpai and kouhai privacy confidentiality and all.” Matsukawa rolled his eyes.

“You and I both know his favourite senpai is Iwaizumi so don’t even think about it. Speaking of, he’s already at the gym. Ah, look, there he is,” Matsukawa waved his hand at where Iwaizumi was standing and the latter waved back. Both he and Oikawa were at the doorway to the gym, and Iwaizumi looked like he was trying his hardest not to hit Oikawa over the head. 

Iwaizumi turned towards his approaching friends, a scowl on his face. Takahiro can see why Kyoutani really admired him.

“This idiot won’t stop bawling about how it’s weird we’re wearing our school uniforms and coming to the gym.” Oikawa fake sobbed into his hands.

“It is! Iwa-chan, tell me you don’t feel like this is wrong! It’s so sick! Makki, Mattsun, back me up here!” Takahiro snorted at how his usually calm and collected captain was being an annoying snivelly kid.

“Well you can whine about it being weird outside by yourself. The three of us are going inside to greet our team,” Iwaizumi said irritably, turning as he knocked on the gym door and announced himself. Oikawa stuck his tongue out at him but followed behind anyways.

“I can’t wait to see Kindaichi, actually. He has been very good at blocking recently and I want to see how far he’s come since our last meeting,” Matsukawa said, putting on his indoor shoes. Takahiro hummed in agreement.

“It’s been like a month since then. I wanna see how Kunimi and Watari are holding up. They were always my favourites.”

“You think too highly of yourself, you know.”

“Rich coming from someone who wants to go on a romantic date with our chemistry teacher.” Matsukawa’s glare and Takahiro’s evil laugh disappeared as they walked into the gym for what seemed like a home they’ve left for a long time. Takahiro wasn’t a sentimental guy but he does feel nostalgic for waking up early and coming for practice with his friends and old teammates. 

During the team’s break was when the four third years walked up to their teammates and started talking. Takahiro was delighted to see Kunimi push themselves for a bit more power in their spikes, and Watari was delighted to be able to hug Takahiro again. Takahiro saw Kindaichi waving his arms as he told Matsukawa about the blockers he met at the Miyagi Training Camp a week prior. Yahaba and Kyoutani were in deep conversation with their previous successors, with Oikawa smiling earnestly and Iwaizumi looking at the two with pure admiration. Kyoutani caught eyes with Takahiro and they shared a solemn nod. There was nothing further to be discussed.

The four of them were idling around before actually leaving. Takahiro figured it was because true to their nature, none of them really wanted to leave the gym at all. This was where they first became friends, after all, and made so many memories.

A simple tap to his shoulder startled him and he turned, finding Yahaba grinning at him. Takahiro grinned and hooked his arm around Yahaba’s shoulders.

“And how’s my favourite captain doing?” he asked, grinning. Yahaba laughed and pulled himself away from Takahiro’s grip.

“I’m doing great. The team’s been tough without you guys, but we’re managing. I have a few applicants already but none of them will ever be as good as you senpais were.”

“Now you’re buttering me up. Very smart of you.” Yahaba grinned back cheekily.

“I guess you can say it was my way of wanting to ask you something.” Takahiro raised his eyebrow. Yahaba took that as an invitation to start talking.

‘I’m grateful for being entrusted to bring the team to nationals, but I’m really worried that I won’t be able to fill Oikawa-san’s shoes. He left quite a big mark. Not really sure how I will be able to take over that.” Yahaba said, his smile looking a lot more melancholic than usual. He looked over to Takahiro. “Kentarou said he talked to you about how he felt and I figured an opinion from someone other than Oikawa-san or Iwaizumi-san would be nice to hear.”

Takahiro leaned against the wall and offered Yahaba a small smile of reassurance. “Like I told him, I’m all ears. I get your worry but Oikawa believes you’ll do better, and bring the team to heights that we were never able to. You don’t have to fill his shoes, you’re not Oikawa. You make your own mark. Cheesy as hell, I know, but it is just that. You shouldn’t worry so much about being Oikawa when the team already trusts your leadership.” he said. Yahaba patiently listened before giving Takahiro a big grin. He looked much more at ease now. 

“Kentarou was right, you are a breath of fresh air to talk to. Thank you so much, Hanamaki-san” Yahaba said. Takahiro waved a hand dismissively.

“It’s no big deal. Besides, as your favourite senpai, I have to do my duty to step up and help you out!”

The third years bid goodbye to the coaches and ex-teammates before walking out of the gym towards the big gate of the school entrance. He quietly listened and made jokes when appropriate as the four of them made their way home. Takahiro had never felt more at ease with them as he did before, as if a weight was taken off his shoulder.

  
  
  


A few weeks had passed since visiting the team and Takahiro decided it was a good time to take a nap on the roof of the school. He already ate his lunch (thanks to Iwaizumi carefully watching him) and promised to be back before the bell rang. 

The rooftop was empty to his delight. It was so rare for the place to be devoid of students but he took his chance to secure a shaded spot by the doors to take a nap. As soon as he closed his eyes, he heard the door open and a crinkle of a plastic wrapper.

“Hanamaki-san! A surprise seeing you here!” Takahiro opened his eyes to see Watari smiling down at him. Takahiro smiled back and sat up, motioning for Watari to sit beside him.

“Wednesday naps on the roof is such a luxury, you know? Didn’t expect to see you here alone. Where’s Yahaba and Kyoutani?” he asked, looking over Watari’s seated body. Watari let out a weak laugh as he unwrapped his sandwich.

“I normally come up here when the both of them get too rowdy. It eases my mind,” he replied, taking a bite of his lunch. Takahiro nodded and rested his head against the wall, slowly closing his eyes again.

The quietness accompanied by the sounds of plastic being crinkled lasted for a bit before Watari spoke. “Hanamaki-san, do you think my decision was right?”

Takahiro opened an eye to look at Watari, who was staring at the floor in front of him, knees pulled close to his chest. “You mean your decision to choose Kyoutani?” Takahiro’s underclassman nodded, looking shameful.

“I feel bad for saying that but, I want to be selfish. Can I?” Watari looked at Takahiro with the most hurt expression Takahiro has ever seen Watari have. He nodded and sat up straight.

Watari took a deep breath. “I love Kentarou, don't get me wrong. He deserves to be vice captain, but… but I feel I deserved it a bit more. Which is dumb considering how I pushed Oikawa-san to take Kyoutani as the vice but I knew he really wanted that position. I didn’t want to be mean. But now I regret it, kind of. It’s like, I’m mad at me for doing that but I’m also just upset at myself for feeling so selfish,” Watari faced Takahiro. “Is that wrong?”

Takahiro considered it for a moment before replying. “No, being selfish isn’t wrong. For you to feel like this makes sense, you know. When Iwaizumi was announced vice captain I was actually ready to battle him for the role because I secretly wanted to have his title. So for you to feel like that should have been you is completely understandable.

“However, you shouldn’t be mad at yourself for pushing Oikawa to take Kyoutani. You care for your friend and you thought he would be a good fit for the vice captain, am I right?”

“Yeah. I don’t have any doubts Kentarou was not a right choice.”

“There you go! You know he’ll do a wonderful job at keeping the team in line but remember; you’re their voice of reason. I honestly think a lot of the new members might come to you first with how open and friendly you are. You don’t need the title of a captain or vice to be able to do that.”

Watari let out a breath and smiled at Takahiro. “I guess you’re right, senpai. I don’t really regret my choice, I know I made the right one. Thank you for helping me remember that. Besides, the both of them are headless chickens without me there. Got to give me credit there.”

“Don’t sweat it, kid. Now hurry and finish your lunch, I’m going to take my well deserved nap.”

“I’ll wake you up when recess is over, Hanamaki-san. Don’t worry.”

(When he went back home, Takahiro texted the group chat he has with the other three that he truly believes the team are in good hands. He was glad everyone simply agreed on it.)

  
  
  


  1. 3rd Year, Matsukawa



Takahiro’s relationship with his mom is like riding a roller coaster that consists of only loop-de-loops and you have no seatbelt and it’s dark outside.

He thought growing up with her immense mood swings and always reading for signs of when she’s going to blow up would make him resilient to her spiteful words. 

He wished he could slap himself for even thinking that. 

Takahiro knocked on the maple door of the Matsukawa family household. He held his jacket close to him as the wind danced around him. He blinked a few times, promising not to cry as soon as he sees Matsukawa’s mother at the door.

Matsukawa’s mother opened the door and as she immediately hugged Takahiro in greeting, he figured it’d be okay if he wasn’t able to hold back a few tears.

“Takahiro! It’s been so long since I last saw you! Are you eating enough? Issei has kept us in the dark about you!” Matsukawa Rania had a gift for making you feel like you were her own child as well. Takahiro loved coming over to Matsukawa’s place whenever he could. He smiled at her, returning the hug.

“I’m so dreadfully sorry, Mama. School caught me and between that and home it was pretty hectic. But Matsukawa promised we would relax for the night and I’m here for that.” Rania laughed and ushered him in, taking off his jacket.

“You must be cold! I’m still cooking, but Issei is in his room. Knock before you go in, sweetie! I’ll call you both down for dinner!” she told him as she went back to the kitchen. Takahiro watched her go and stood in the genkan, taking in the bright colours of the house. The yellow lights weren’t too harsh, instead friendly and inviting. Takahiro saw toys lying all over the wooden floor. He stepped into the house and picked up Matsukawa’s younger brother in his arms, spinning him around and placing a kiss on his nose as he giggled. 

Setting the younger child down, he ruffled his hair and made his way upstairs. Matsukawa’s room was the furthest down the upstairs hall, and the biggest. Takahiro knocked twice on the door before Matsukawa flung the door open and offered Takahiro a cheeky grin.

“You’re early,” he commented. Takahiro snorted and made his way inside the room, immediately sitting on the bed.

“Didn’t want to keep Mama waiting, of course. What are we playing tonight?” he asked, reaching for the extra controller Matsukawa kept in his room. Matsukawa, in his asshole fashion, took it away before Takahiro could take a hold of it. He sat down on the floor and began rolling the wire around the controller.

“Amma said no games until dinner is done. So we’re just sitting here and talking and enjoying each other’s presence like they did back in the old days.”

Takahiro made a face. “I would rather listen to our old sex education teacher talk about safe sex and how to properly put a condom on a dildo.” Matsukawa choked on his own saliva and coughed as Takahiro laughed wickedly.

The both of them eased into light banter and switched between topics so easily Takahiro nearly forgot why he made a last minute call to come over. Almost.

“Amma said she’s coming to our graduation. She even bought herself a new saree to wear. Said she can’t wait to see her son finally graduate and be a ‘big boy’. I swear that line made me cringe so bad but she looked so happy, gushing about her saree and what jewellry she should wear and calling Akka to come over to do her makeup. I think she’s more excited about my own graduation than I am,” Matsukawa said. 

He didn’t see Takahiro’s face. He didn’t notice how, as soon as he said his mother would be coming all excited, his face fell. Matsukawa didn’t see how Takahiro’s lips quivered as he talked on and on about how his mother was extremely excited for her son to graduate.

“I think Amma’s saree is red, I should get a red suit to match. Would that be too much? What do you-” Matsukawa faltered as Takahiro’s failure at keeping his sobs at bay quickly filled the room. Takahiro bit his lip to stop himself but he couldn’t help it. The tears wouldn’t stop pouring out. And it was going so good til now. 

He hid his face under his shirt and bit down on it, tasting the dry cotton.

“Hey, hey, jaani. Jaan. It’s okay. I’m here,” Takahiro felt the bed shift and then Matsukawa had his arms wrapped around Takahiro, pulling him to his torso to hold him close. Matsukawa rubbed his back soothingly and Takahiro broke. He clung onto Matsukawa’s shirt and cried and sobbed and got snot all over his face and the inside of his shirt but he doesn’t care. He just needed to have this moment. 

Matsukawa held Takahiro like that for a few minutes, rocking him back and forth and calming him down. As soon as Takahiro’s sobs turned into sniffles and hiccups, he gently pulled the boy away and looked at him, running his own hand to straighten out his hair.

“Jaan, what’s wrong? Did I set off something?” Takahiro shook his head and took in a shaky breath.

“No, no you didn’t. It’s just, hearing you talk about your mom like that kind of reminded me what I can’t have,” he managed, voice as shaky as his body. Matsukawa rubbed circles on his back.

“Did your mom say anything to you before coming?” Takahiro nodded sullenly. “Do you want to talk about it?” Takahiro nodded again. Once more he drew in a less shaky breath and recounted what happened.

“You know my mom, very in denial. I talked to her about getting me a therapist to make myself better and,” Takahiro hiccuped, his mother’s words and actions rushing back into him. “She said I’m an ingrate who doesn’t deserve anything. She said if she knew what sort of monster I would become she would have never agreed to get pregnant. She said more but I couldn’t listen to her. I kind of blanked out after she said that.” Takahiro felt his lower lip shake again but controlled his emotions. He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked up at Matsukawa and his eyes felt wet again.

“She’s right, isn’t she? I’m not a good kid to her, I’m not even a good sibling. Fuck, I don’t even know if I’m a good  _ friend _ . I’m like she said, just a fucking  _ failure _ .” he said, voice cracking at the end.

Matsukawa gently cupped Takahiro’s cheek but he looked away. “Jaani, look at me. Hiro.” Takahiro reluctantly turned. Matsukawa leaned in and gently pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“Your mother doesn’t deserve to call herself a mother at all. You are not an ingrate for wanting to better yourself. You are a good sibling, the best friend anyone could ask for, and the absolute best lover God could bless me with. You are worth so,  _ so _ more than what your mother has to say, and she doesn’t know shit about you. 

“I know you love her and she’s still your mother, but she’s not your  _ mom _ . You know the full quote, that  _ blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb _ ? It applies to you, Hiro. You don’t need your mother. Amma’s here, so am I, and so is everyone else. We love you more than your mother ever could. And you deserve it.”

Takahiro by this time had stopped sniffling and just took in deep breaths to control his breathing. He laid his head on Matsukawa’s torso, listening to his steady heartbeat. Rania decided then would be a good time to call them down for dinner, her voice downstairs jolting him out of the feeling of Matsukawa’s hand on his back, grounding and calming. Takahiro shakily removed himself from their hug and smiled gently at Matsukawa.

“Thank you, Issei. I’m going to wash my face now, can’t let Mama see me upset.” Matsukawa smiled and squeezed his hand as reassurance.

“I’ll wait for you, we’ll go down together.”

  
  
  


+1. Takahiro, 27

That summer has been quite easy for Takahiro. His move back from Tokyo to Miyagi had taken some time and a lot of money he did not quite have, but it was worth it.

Takahiro stood in front of the bar he and his friends would walk by when they were still in school. That all seemed so long ago. The bar was lively, with an open band playing and the chatter of people filling up the night air.

Takahiro hasn’t been back in Miyagi ever since he left after he graduated. Rania was a big help in helping him secure a part time job and an apartment to stay while he studied in a local university there. He had all his savings ready and go, and with the help he was given, Takahiro left for Tokyo and never looked back.

His mom wasn’t happy with the move. She yelled at him, calling him useless and ‘too stupid to live on your own’ and a whole bunch of colourful names. She told him, if he left her house, he would never be invited back in. He will stay a stranger as long as she lives. As much as it pained him to leave his sisters, Takahiro hasn’t regretted his decision once.

His sisters understood his want to move. His older sister, Yuki, kept in touch with him and told him updates on how their sister Ami was doing in school. Takahiro loved hearing from his sisters every week, and always sent something back to them if he got the chance.

His mother stayed true to her word. Completely disowned him as a son. Even got his father to start ignoring his calls. That’s fine to him. He didn’t have to pretend to want to stay in contact with them anyways.

The Matsukawa’s were much nicer. Both Rania and Issei stayed with him for the first month in Tokyo while he settled down. Rania stepped up where his absent mother would not and helped him set up a bank account and got all his personal details neatly organized. She even taught him how to cook meals and promised to send him an allowance every month until he was stable enough to live on his own. Ever since then, they’d always call to talk about how they were and Takahiro is so happy to have her in his life.

Issei was a dear to him even after he moved. He landed himself a job at the funeral parlour working at the reception after they graduated. The both of them stayed high school sweethearts, and Takahiro once joked how Issei has probably been planning to propose since they were 17. Issei had only given him a soft smile.

Takahiro never lost touch with his old teammates. Even when Oikawa went to Argentina and Iwaizumi to California, the four of them always managed one video call a week. It was funny as hell to see Oikawa sunburnt and tanner than he should be and Iwaizumi with dark circles under his eyes. Takahiro was so proud of the both of them being able to pursue a career in their passion, and he cannot wait for the wedding ceremony next year.

As for his juniors, they came to visit his place in Tokyo. Yahaba, Kyoutani and Watari came first, excited to see Tokyo properly. Takahiro found it amusing whenever Kyoutani would do something sweet for Yahaba but it backfired. Watari talked about how he was going to study marine biology and promised not to leave Yahaba and Kyoutani alone when he gets big and famous. Kindaichi and Kunimi came two years later, when Takahiro was 21. Kunimi let his hair grow longer and it honestly suited his style while Kindaichi got himself an undercut and a few piercings. Kunimi pointed out Takahiro’s messy hair, not having it cut since the year before, and commented on how it suited Takahiro a lot. (To quote, “It looks like you were made for this style; messy, but nice to look at.”)

Takahiro shoved his hands into his pockets. A lot has happened since he moved. Miyagi was brighter than it was in the past. There were so many children running around than there have been before. All the owners Takahiro used to know were replaced by their kids or new shop owners. All the family Takahiro ever knew was gone, not anywhere near him.

For Takahiro, everything had definitely changed, for better or for worse. He heard a cough and Issei was at his side, holding out his hand. His smile under the yellow light made him look like home.

“Ready to go in? They’re waiting for us.”

Takahiro thought back to when Oikawa called him family. He grinned and nodded, both of them entering the bar hand in hand.

Everything for Takahiro changed, but some things never really did.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it!! come scream at me at my [on twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/moontogauva) and [ my cc](https://curiouscat.me/moontogauva)


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